


Loss

by Karinakamichi



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: (possible) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Author Projects Onto Characters, Author Projects onto Edward Elric, Bulimia, Cutting, Dark, Dead Alphonse Elric, Depression, Edward and Winry are like Siblings, Everybody is just worried, Everybody's protective over Ed, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Edward Elric, Hospitals, I apologize again, I have no clue how long this will last, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Parental Riza Hawkeye, Parental Roy Mustang, Please Don't Hate Me, Protective Ling Yao, Protective Riza Hawkeye, Protective Roy Mustang, Protective Winry Rockbell, Roy gets his sight back, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Themes, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thought Projection, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Well I mean as happy as it can be all things considered, also, another old doc that i wanted to post rather than keeping it in storage, by which I mean, in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-26 23:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi
Summary: In which Alphonse sacrifices himself, but there’s no way to bring back his soul or body. Ed has to learn to accept it and live with his Brother’s decision. Alternate Ending To Brotherhood/The Manga. EdLing. RoyAi. ShesWin. Parental Roy and Parental Riza. Self-harm and cutting. Anorexic/Bulimic Habits. Some suicidal themes.





	1. Chapter 1

_ The world isn’t fair. _

This was a fact that Edward had long since learned, but he’d always wanted to believe that it was possible to achieve a happy ending; that hard work did pay off if you put forth enough effort.

However, it wasn’t until Alphonse had sacrificed himself that he realized there were just some things that couldn’t be undone. 

His precious little brother, whom he’d sworn to protect even if it costed him his life, was dead, and there was nothing he could do about it. The only time he had ever felt this helpless was back when he had watched his mother die right in front of him.

_ It’s all my fault… _

_ I’m the reason he was put in that armor in the first place. If it weren’t for me, none of this would have happened. _

The first thing he registered in what felt like an eternity was Ling placing a hand on the back of his shoulder. 

Ling wanted more than anything to say sorry for Edward’s loss, he wanted to offer some kind of condolence, but he knew that the last thing Edward would want was pity right now. So instead, he opted for something different, a question, feeling it was only right that he say _ something _, whether Edward answered it or not. “...How are you holding up...?”

Edward took a while to respond, as he met Ling’s gaze. “...I should be asking you that… You just lost Greed and Fu...”

It was true. Edward wasn’t the only one suffering right now, and Ling would be lying to say he didn’t miss Greed or Fu. Unfortunately, there were a lot of people who’d faced losses in this cursed war. Neither one of them were alone on that matter.

But everybody knew that to Edward, Alphonse was practically the _ world _. So it was fair to question if he would be okay after this. 

“...Ed-” Ling started to speak with concern, but Edward spoke up again before he could push the subject any further.

“Anyway, I’ll be fine, so don’t worry about it. After all, you have your own affairs to deal with, right?” Edward offered a weak smile that heavily contrasted with the dead look on his face.

Ling, naturally, didn’t get a sense of reassurance from Edward’s tone of voice, but he chose not to press him or the matter any further for the time being.

“I’m sorry, Ed…” A voice, which immediately put a sour taste in Edward’s mouth, interjected. It was Hohenheim. “This is my fault. If I had stuck around back then, you boys would have never done what you did and Al would still be here…” 

“...Shut up…” Edward muttered, clenching his fists. “Al lost his body because I didn’t want to face reality… I was desperate enough to think I could bring Mom back, but I made a huge mistake, and now _ he’s _ dead too. It’s my soul alone that carries the weight of that sin… I refuse to allow anybody else, even you, to take responsibility for that…”

And nobody could say anything for so long.

After all, there wasn’t anything they could say to make the boy feel better about losing his Brother, his partner, the person that had been right by his side for nearly his entire life. 

The only _ true _ family that he had left was _ gone and there was no getting him back _. One could say he still had Hohenheim, but everybody knew how Ed felt about his father. 

That was why when Edward walked off the battlefield that day, there wasn’t a single person that could stop him, not even Riza, and not even Roy, who, despite being blind, could sense the tension on that ground just as much as the next person.

Because above all else, every single person there knew that Edward just needed space right now. 

…

** _A/N: Welp, I hope y’all don’t hate me for this... This is way better than the last story I posted tbh, but it's still very bad of me._ **


	2. Chapter 2

Edward had always hoped that by the next time he came back Resembool, Alphonse would not only be by his side, but that he would also have his body back to the way it was supposed to be. He had always hoped that they would be able to greet Winry together, side by side. But all of that was impossible now, because Al was gone, and it was all his fault. 

So now, as he was greeted by her, he couldn’t bring himself to into Winry’s eyes, he couldn’t even look _up, _his gazed fixated on the ground and everywhere except her.

After a moment, she asked the very question that Ed had been dreading being faced with throughout the entire train ride there:

_ “So where’s Al? Is he still back in Central or something?” _

He felt like there was a lump in his throat, and he clenched his fists.    
  
“...Al is… He’s… I’m sorry, Winry…” His own voice was betraying him, weak, barely above a whisper. He had only ever once felt this vulnerable and helpless in his life and that was back when Trisha died.

Within seconds, Winry got the implication of what he was wanting to say. Her legs gave out and she collapsed. Alphonse… Was dead? 

The boy who she had grew up with, the childhood friend who had become like a little brother to her… was  _ gone _ and he wasn’t ever coming back. It just another repeat of her parents all over again.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she began to cry into the palms of her hands.

The sound of her sobbing ripped into Ed’s chest, filling him with more guilt than he could ever hope to bare. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved to be happy and smiling right now, and she was the last person he had wanted to deliver the news too. After all, he had sworn to her that the next time he made her cry, it would be out of happiness, and yet here he was again, causing her suffering,  _ hurting _ her.

“...I’m sorry...” He choked out again. His chest suddenly felt restricted, and he wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come out. Instead, he just stood there, letting his bangs shadow his eyes. 

_ “This is all my fault.”  _ Was all he could tell himself to rationalize everything that had transpired.

After what felt like hours, Winry had finally managed to stop crying. And eventually she spoke: “...We should probably go inside... It’s getting kind of late...”

“Mn…” Edward uttered in acknowledgment. It was true, it was nearly sunset. But did he even have a right to stay here anymore after what had happened? Didn’t Winry blame him? Wasn’t she supposed to say, “ _ You  _ promised _ me, Ed. You promised me that you would get his body back to normal, that we would all be a family again. How can you even show your face around here after what you’ve done? _ ”

She was supposed to hate him for failing to protect Al, hell, for transmuting their mother and putting him in that damned body in the first place !

_ All  _ of them were. He  _ himself _ certainly did. 

“Come on...” 

He was suddenly knocked out of his thoughts when Winry spoke up and softly grabbed his hand, offering a sense of warmth he didn’t even know he wanted or needed. She urged him towards the door, and he followed behind without a word.

...

** _A/N: Welp this is probably bad, but after experiencing something like this and losing somebody so close, nobody in their right mind would be quite themselves for a while. Ed has every right to be like this. _ **


End file.
